Our Authentic Selves, With Debbie Rosas.

My journey of revealing my truth began when I decided to shave my head. I’d always draw pictures of people without hair and my mother would ask, “Why don’t you put hair on them?” and I’d say, “Because then I can’t see the people.” The first time I shaved my head, I did it with an air of defiance. My hair was a big head of curly black locks. I’d never known what to do with it. Cut it or tie it up in a bun, so shaving it was freeing to me, but it was also a statement!

People would tell me, “Are you aware of how people look at you?” So, when I decided to shave my head a second time and become aware of my appearance and how it affected the world around me, I experienced what it was like to be looked upon and to have people make judgments of me. On one occasion I was simply walking across Pioneer square in Portland, OR when I had just decided to shave my head again and I was startled by sudden movement.

A man grabbed my wrist, looked me in the eyes, and said to me “Ah… Auschwitz.” I looked back at him and I was so frightened. I looked down at his arm and I saw a swastika tattoo. I pulled my arm away. My whole body was shaking. I went into the shoe department at a nearby Macy’s store to gather myself together. I thought, that’s it, I’m growing my hair back. It took several days to discharge that and return to my intention toward what I wanted to learn.

Another time, after shaving my head, I was sitting with a group of friends in the lobby of a hotel in Dallas. As I looked up, I observed a woman with a bouffant hairstyle treated so that none of her hair moved. In her pantyhose and big gold jewelry, I saw her approaching us, but I went back to my conversation. She walked up to me, leaned in, and asked, “Why would you do that to yourself?” She then put her hands on her hips and looked at me for an answer.

Sharing one’s truth takes courage. Making decisions about what is right and wrong is how we create our sense of safety. Buying into what we are told is right and wrong is easy; but the work of personal growth is then done for us. The real growth comes from making our own decisions about what is right and wrong. This is how we create a philosophy of what is true and real for our life, to live authentically, to find our meaning, and to find our purpose.

Truth cracked me wide open. It exploded my reality.  I’ve learned that taking criticism is part of being my authentic self and a leader. It’s also given me the courage to just open my mouth and say what I think. Having an opinion. Having a thought. “I think this.” “I feel this.” “This is where I am.” And for me, being a leader has meant that family, friends, and community have loved and supported me. We are most fortunate when others stand with us.

I asked, “What would you say if I told you I had cancer?” She said, “I’d tell you to get a wig and wear it.”  I learned my appearance could affect the way people see me and judge me. I imagined how horrible this woman would feel if she lost all her hair. It was at that moment I realized that if I am going to look so different, then I must make sure that the essence of what I exude is love and light, not defiance. At that moment I said, “I am going to be beautiful.” 

Everyone must choose what feels right for them. People must choose what gives them pleasure and joy. I encourage everyone to choose honesty and to choose to be themselves. What we define as family, friends, and community is cultivated through a lifetime of experiences that form our authenticity. We are all capable of great love, great forgiveness, and great compassion. We can all walk the walk of living with our unique and individual truth. 

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